Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
