Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
