Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
