and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize