I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
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I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
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Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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