I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
