How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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