i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
