"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
