Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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