I think my fart just growled at me.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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