six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
