She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
