my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
