They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
