Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
