I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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