I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
