dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
