Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
