It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
