Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Never underestimate the power of titties
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
