Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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