Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't deserve a penis
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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