his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
