the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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