return my video game
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
