ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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