You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
