What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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