i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
