I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
