K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
