Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(510): View more from California

You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I wish they made helmets for livers.

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(410): View more from Maryland

It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer

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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months

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(937): View more from Ohio

I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?

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(843): View more from South Carolina

So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...

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(406): View more from Montana

I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.

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(+61): View more from Australia

I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.

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