I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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