I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
