You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
