I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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