4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
