slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
