I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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