Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
