so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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