It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
