Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
