Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
