the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
