Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
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after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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