All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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