you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
