i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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