At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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