so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
