I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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