You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
