It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
