OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
