Ambien. No doubt about it.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
