Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
