Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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