New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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