i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
