Betty ford says i'm here all night
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
