so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Can you bring me the toilet please
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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