Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
