im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
